Exciting Times

Sorry about my missed blog yesterday... I was moving! As well as getting the car fixed and going to my good friend's birthday party! Moving in went very well, all really quick and Steven and Ben (and Ben's brother) were all instrumental in getting my stuff up to the 7th floor. Once in and settled and rent was paid, I bought new bedding and made my bed. It is always the first job I do when I move in because as long as you've got a place to sleep at night, you're home.

Remember I said that I thought I'd been here before? Well, indeed I had... Right next door as it turns out! My best and oldest friend Gemma French's girlfriend was living with her friend Neil and Neil still lives there will his hubby Alan and a gorgeous siamese (whom I remember from five years ago as a wilful crreature desparate to get out of the front door). And now I've moved in next door with Alan's best friend Steven! Small world eh?

Anyway - just a small one today as I've promised to make breakfast and rally the troupes so I'll pen something with a little more substance tomorrow!

13 stone, 6 pounds

Right… Here goes…

I am 13 stone, 6 pounds in weight.

That is 85.3 Kilograms.

That is ridiculous!

My ideal weight, according to the BMI chart I downloaded is 11 stone.

Essentially I am two stones and 6 pounds overweight, although I always add a few pounds for my womanly assets.

I don’t blame anybody but myself for these shocking figures (nor for MY shocking figure). I enjoy food and I don’t exercise. I take in more calories than I use day to day. This has to stop.

My birthday is 189 days away… That is plenty of time to lose the weight safely (a rate of 1-2 pounds per week). In fact if I do this, if I lose 2 pounds per week, it will only take 17 weeks, or 119 days to reach my goal weight.

I will do this through sheer force of will, diet, exercise and SHAME! Tonight I am going to photograph myself in my underwear side on, print several copies, and stick them on the wardrobe in my bedroom. I’m also going to put one in my drawer at work so every time I open it, I can see the person I used to be. In addition to that I am going to truthfully reveal my weight and how much I’ve lost or gained on my blog, Facebook and Twitter on the 27^th of each month, along with photos of my progress (not in my underwear I hasten to add – enough people have seen that!) I’m also going to announce my progress on my radio show (www.gaydio.co.uk  - Tuesdays 21:00-23:00GMT). There will be nowhere to hide!

I have joined Fitness First gym in Manchester and I intend to go 3 times a week. I have three personal training sessions with my membership and I will use them wisely. I have to go to the gym at least 20 times in the next 8 weeks in order to receive my refund of the £36.00 joining fee and to justify the £29.99/month membership costs (12 sessions a month works out at £2.50/session). I actually got a great deal as the membership includes all my classes and I like to mix it up a bit rather than sticking to the machines.

My lovely membership co-ordinator Janelle very helpfully advised me the best machines and classes to maximise weight loss; rowing machines (which just happens to be my favourite machine) and boxing (something I’ve been meaning to try). I’m also going to balance my mind with some yoga classes.

She suggested spin and although I know that it is the most efficient 30 minutes you can spend on a bike, I’d prefer not to be shouted at for an entire class (I’ll admit I was a little put off spin the first time I tried it as I almost collapsed at the end – not for the faint hearted!)

So how am I going to fuel these mammoth gym sessions?

I have tried Low Cal diets in the past, and I find that I am just too hungry to sustain them. A whiff of chocolate, cake or a fry up and I am sunk… So my diet of choice is possibly the most controversial I could choose. It’s my own modified Atkins diet.

The first time I tried Atkins, I followed the book to the letter and ended up fairly ill as my body went into full on withdrawal from sugar, caffeine and carbohydrates. By day three I was not well. It was not fun and there was much vomiting and lying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself.

Since then, I have done the two week programme several times, generally to lose a few pounds for a special occasion and I’ve got to say… It works for me! Each time I modify it slightly, learning the lessons from the previous attempt. For example, I now stagger what I cut out – days 1-3 – sugar, days 4-6 – carbohydrates and finally on day 7 I drop the caffeine out. I find that this is the only way to stop my body going into complete shock.

As I am a cook, I actually find the challenges of what to eat on Atkins quite exciting. I think that misapprehension that everybody has is that an Atkins diet consists of nothing but fat and meat. NOT TRUE. I cut out the heavy carbs like potatoes, carrots, turnips (not that I eat those much anyway), bread in any form and of course sugar, but the lighter greens and leaves I keep – lettuce, broccoli, spinach, asparagus.

Yes there is some fat in the diet. I can use cream in my coffee and eat mascarpone flavoured with sweetener as a dessert (sounds gross but not bad, kind of like a baseless cheesecake), but it’s up to the individual dieter how much fat they ingest. Fat is not an Atkins’ “must have”, and if you’re seriously worried about your heart or cholesterol, consult your doctor or do some proper research as I have done.

My typical diet goes like this…

Breakfast – Two Rashers of Bacon and Two Good Quality Sausages (high meat content) fried – you can grill if you’d prefer, or a three egg omelette with cheese, ham and mushrooms.

The high protein content of these breakfasts ensure that I stay full until lunchtime and also repairs any damage that might have been done at the gym.

Snack – Pork Rinds – These salty snacks crunch like crisps but contain no carbohydrates. I find that after a few days I snack less anyway as my protein high meals curb the hunger.

Lunch – Chicken, Bacon and Cheese Salad (made with spinach, cucumber and onions and full fat mayonnaise).

Snack – Celery Sticks (I peel them as I hate the stringy bits) dipped in Seriously Strong Spreadable Cheddar Cheese

Dinner – Steak, grilled on the George Foreman with a cream and blue cheese sauce and broccoli, cauliflower and asparagus.

Dessert – sugar-free jelly (Jello for my American Readers) with single cream.

Drinks – Decaffeinated Coffee with “Lacto-Free” milk and sweeteners. Diet Pop (preferably caffeine free).

Now yes there is a high meat content there, and some fat, but also veggies and salad. The most I have lost on this diet is around a stone and a half over a sensible 3 month period. During that time I did exercise a little, but not as much as I plan to.

Oh, and for those people who have hear that Atkins died of a heart attack caused by obesity, please read this article http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2003-04-17-atkins-dies_x.htm.

So wish me luck, and I hope you’ll follow me on my journey – my weight loss musings will occur once a month! Please send encouragement!

The Middle Age...

And no, I don't mean the point in the middle of birth and death... But "The Middle Age", I mean the bit between 26 and 45 when you no longer qualify for any money saving offers. At 26, you are no longer considered a "young person" with the needs that being "young" extends to you... In the ten years between 16 and 26 you become entitled to a wealth of "help you on your way" offers, travel concessions and of course if you're that way inclined, the obligatory student discount. Not to mention, if you are unlucky/lucky enough to get "up the spout" (can't think of a better euphemism) at 16, you are furnished with a house for you and said sproglet... (I am aware this makes me sound rather Daily Mail!). And at 45 you are considered to have paid your debt to society, you are considered to be a safer driver and more likely look after yourself so the offers start again. Saga (seems a little ageist to me), free bus passes to the over 60s, free swimming and leisure activities.

I do not propose that these schemes should stop, but it does seem as though those of us with the most responsibility, be it financial, family or work related, are paying the most (an in real terms the most any generation has).

I suppose the government expects that you will have more experience, or education and so better job prospects... But, when the price of petrol stands at £1.28/litre (avg), wages have dropped (in realistic terms) for six consecutive years (Mervyn King) and earning power has to be above £50,000/year to get onto the property ladder... why can't we have some little treats? Maybe... 5p/litre off petrol if you are between 26 and 55, or a voucher for free city centre travel for people who work? Or I know... How about free gym memberships? That would save the government money in the long term as we'll all grow up to be fit and healthy!

But no... We, the people in the Middle Age are stuck paying full price for the things we need (petrol, food, work clothes). We are unable to get on the property ladder thanks to the Baby Boomers who bought up all the property in the early 2000's. We are unable to get social housing thanks to the ghost of Maggie T and her bid to make Britain a nation of property owners. We are unable to rent a house or flat from a private landlord within an hour's drive of where we actually work thanks to rocketing rental rates in city centres. And then there's the student debts, handed down to the leaders of tomorrow by the leaders of yesterday who all studied for free, at the expense of the tax payer and paid 50p for a pint, (they seem to forget, we're the ones who'll be controlling the nursing care system in 40 years!)

Ok, rant over. I'm not saying we should be living a charmed life where everything's perfect and the figures are always going up (the 80s are over), but come on David, Nick and Co, give us a break! Be it a tax break, some sort of reward scheme for us responsible types who feel we will never acheive what our parents have, or something as simple as a low price housing scheme for those in the Middle Age who work but don't have children? For it is those of us in this Middle Age who will feel the drop in living standards hardest of all, as a glass ceiling stopping us from taking that next step to a life where we can get to next payday still in the black.

Is that too much to ask?

Losing The Faith...

The other day I found (and threw out) a letter from a “concerned friend”.  Now before you read this, don’t think I’m preaching. I’ve got a lot of stories to tell and this one just happens to be a good one about God (mostly to balance out the one from yesterday when I referred to Religious Indoctrination). Last night I watched a very spiritual episode of Glee and it got me thinking. Religion, Faith, Spirituality whatever you want to call it has to be reached by the individual.

This is the story of the day I lost my faith and how I got it back…

It was October 2001 and the day before I’d told her I was gay. She told me she’d pray for me and sent a letter and told me she’d call me for a proper chat the next day.

When she did call me, all hell broke loose. She was a friend from my old Christian school and for some reason I believed she would support me during the hardest time of my life.

She did not.

My “friend”, who shall remain nameless, proceeded to batter my confidence, my mind, all my emotions and my faith in God in a 20 minute tirade of phrases such as “We don’t think that this is the right thing for you” and “we’re praying that you ‘get through this’" and "God wouldn’t want this for you”. I was very upset and felt utterly betrayed, these people I’d known for five years, some longer, I felt had turned their back on me.

I have never spoken to this particular friend since. She made me very angry and I left the church. I turned my back on God for almost ten years. For around six years I was completely lost to Him, partying at college and university, drinking to excess, experimenting. This sounds as though it’s going to be one of those born again stories, but it really isn’t. About a year and a half ago, a good friend of mine, an old lecturer from university who is now a vicar got back in touch. I won’t go into the whole story, but she must have been praying from me because in the weeks that followed I began to feel spiritually lonely. Throughout those previous ten years, I had prayed in moments of high anxiety and when I was scared, but I hadn’t talked properly to God, or listened.

Shaken, I went to my own vicar and explained everything that I was feeling and what had happened. I told her that I felt like God didn’t want me because I was gay. She reassured me that God loves me and is happy with my choices. I realised that I am on a path not of my making and that every experience had led to this moment. I had a choice to make… God or nothing.

After that, I went back to church for a few weeks. Funnily enough, it was harder to come out as a Christian at work than it had been to come out as gay! I felt such peace and ready to make another choice. I decided that church was not for me, but God was. Since then, I have made my own relationship with God – as I say “we’ve got an understanding”. I try to live as good a life as is possible. Everyone makes mistakes and God loves me in spite of these.

God made me in his image so how can my behaviour be so abhorrent? God is love. The words are interchangeable, so when I express my love, I’m doing God’s work.

It affects my day to day life in ways that most people won’t notice until I point it out to them. I try not to take the Lord’s name in vain, you’ll hear me saying “oh my gosh”, and I say “God Bless” a lot, and mean it. Prayer means different things to different people, and He’s reading my thoughts all the time so I don’t feel like I need to take special time to talk to Him. I don’t go to Church because I prefer to have a personal relationship with God, and I don’t read the Bible because the fact that it has so many interpretations means that the true word of God has been lost over the centuries. I don’t like the fact that each denomination has a different version.

So there you go, that’s my spiritual journey in a nutshell, and possibly the most personal blog I’ve written to date. Take from it what you will and understand that although I won’t pray for you… I will think about you a whole lot!

God Bless

The Gay Agenda?

Today’s Daily Mail includes a headline about the so called Gay Agenda… Sorry? I thought that the only Gay Agenda called for nothing more than equality! The government are moving towards including more LGBT examples in education, from reading books such as “And Tango Makes Three” to comprehension exercises which include Gavin and Dave instead of Gavin and Diane!

I seem to remember something similar in my own schooling history. All of a sudden more ethnic names appeared in my text books, and worked as a mechanism for increasing equality.

Reading the Daily Mail, you might imagine that the government are proposing erotic gay literature for every classroom! Perhaps they fear we will recruit kids, maybe they’re worried they will ‘catch gay’! Gay indoctrination doesn’t exist. You cannot force anybody to be gay anymore than you can force them to turn pink with green hair. My childhood had a much more terrifying sort of indoctrination – RELIGION. I must at this point note that I am a Christian.

I’m not sure how it is today, but twenty years ago when I was at Primary school we would begin the day with a ritual chant – “Our Father, Who Art in Heaven”, and though it is ten years since I left school, I can still recite the whole prayer. Next we’d sing some hymns and go off to our Religious Education lesson. Later on we’d have lunch and say grace before we ate a bite. I was scared that if I didn’t behave well I would go to hell! This later led to internalized homophobia. Coming out as gay aged 17 was a struggle and I lost my faith because I believed that God wouldn’t want me as I am, but that’s an argument for tomorrow!

We have of course come so far in our struggle. Again, twenty years ago when I was having my first flutters of attraction and not knowing what they were, teachers at school were bound and gagged, unable to support or nurture potential LGBT students under Section 28, and for that reason, I didn’t hear the words gay or lesbian until they were banded around hurtfully at secondary school.

Craig Whittaker MP has been recorded saying “This is not about being homophobic, because there are other schemes around the education which support the LGBT agenda.” Now doesn’t that sound awfully sinister?

Fingers Crossed...

Well, I'm keeping everything crossed! I have found a new place! For once a positive blog with big smiles!

It is located just outside the city centre of Manchester, and a mere 10 minutes walk from work! If you know Manchester at all, it's right behind the Stay Inn hotel on Blackfriars Road. I met my lovely new live in landlord Steven yesterday, and we got on famously!

Mum has kindly offered to look after Austin (that's my dog - 5 year old Collie Cross) long term until I can find a situation in which I can keep him.

Bizarrely, as Katy (my best friend and second set of eyes) drove me to the new flat, I had a weird sense of de ja vu... It must have been about five years ago, just after I split up with my then girlfriend (the one who gave me the dog!) I went on a night out with a good friend of mine and her new girlfriend, and the new girlfriend lived in one of these flats! I remembered it for a few reasons, one being the taxi rank which is right next to the block (we called a taxi from there and it still took 30 minutes to arrive). The other reason was that it was an over 25s or over 35s block and I could remember thinking "I wish I could live in one of these flats". 

They are ex-council and so really spacious and this one in particular is very well laid out. It has two bedrooms, a huge kitchen and a living room. The views are spectacular! The view from my bedroom is towards Bolton and Winter Hill, and at the front the Manchester Skyline! Beautiful! Apparently I'll be able to watch the sun set from my bed! Bliss!

It has plenty of parking and as I said, it is quite literally 10 minutes walk from work!

Life is about to change, for the better. It's about time don't you think?

 

A few words on 2011

I hate to start off 2011 feeling melancholy. I've been trying to pen something really positive to mark the passing of another year, but New Years Eve appears to be just another way for God to remind me that I'm no longer 18. I had my first sober NYE in 10 years, and unsurprisingly - I've had better. Shocker. I laughed and joked as best as I could, but come midnight, I couldn't escape the feeling that 2010 was sneaking out in the same fashion it sneaked in 12 months ago. I am again single, in fact, recently dumped. I am lonely, if not completely alone, and midnight came upon me with a whisper that said "you're 26, hadn't you better get on with it and start living?" 


The early part of the day seemed to move at a snail's pace and then midnight was upon us all of a sudden, and I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to file 2010 into the past, because 2010 is the year I met the love of my life, and even though she doesn't love me anymore, as long as it was still the old year, it still felt current.With the passing of the year, and the first footer crossing the threshold, those memories were filed with all the rest of 2010. Along with passing my driving test, moving in with those awful rat people and spending my 26th birthday almost completely alone. 


So here's to a better 2011. Maybe I'll get over 2010 soon.